Dear Diary Saturday...

After many phone calls to AT & T, reading several interesting e-mails and catching that person in several lies, and then discussing it in length with many people, including Connie, I know that Connie did not post the anonymous message on JJ's blog. Why do I know this? Because if you do not have a firewall installed on your computer, and Connie does not, people can access and "shadow" your IP address. The IP address stays the same EXCEPT for the last two digits. Also, the IP address are randomly given so anyone can have anyone's address at any time. I honestly feel that a very wicked individual who actually is smart enough to post under Connie's address did so, for many, many insane reasons....and that person will pay for what they have done. I also know Connie is not the type of person who would make a statement and NOT take credit for it. Connie is a proud lady and is proud of her opinions. Connie is also not the type of person who would make such a statement and then say "OKAY, now I will do everything in my power to help you find out it is me so that you can attack me in a personal and public forum!" But the most important reason I know it is not Connie is because Connie TOLD me is was not her, and that means more to me than any other reason. We have all fucked up in our lives and have done things we have wanted to poke ourselves in the eyes over with a sharp stick, that includes Connie....but Connie would come to me and say "Yogi, I did a very bad thing...how do I fix it?"

Let me also point out, as Connie has, if the shoe was on the other foot and I had been in JJ's situation and had found out the information I had found out, I too would have been as ballistic as she was with Connie....as would Connie. That is human nature. However, I know that with all of the evidence that has been placed in front of everyone's eyes, this issue will be resolved quickly and fairly. I know I hate it when I do something in a rash manner, purely out of anger and hate, and then have to fix it. I hate that because I so enjoy that over whelming feeling of anger...ask Dylan!!!

As for the "other person" who probably did this act...this person has MANY reasons to want to see Connie in pain, many reasons she would like to see friends turn against her, many reasons why she would like to see JJ SPECIFICALLY attack her, many reasons she would like to share a "common enemy" with Connie and, in some cases, she has won. However, no deed goes without being punished and I guarantee that this act will be punished....

On a brighter note...HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAYDON! Jaydon is turning 5 this weekend. Wow! Does it not just seem like the other day he was only 4? Anyways, his INCREDIBLY PATIENT MOTHER is making him a spider cake, letting him pick his presents AND getting the paint for his bedroom, which Jaydon himself has designed!! Send them much love and greetings!

Today and this weekend, is the weekend of the "PARENTS". Today is their 33rd wedding anniversary and so we are going shopping, tonight I am taking them to dinner, and we are just going to be spending lots and lots of quality time together! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THEM!.

Oh and on an fantastic note again, Barbara, of the "Tammy and Barbara" pair, lost her job in a reduction of force lay off about two weeks ago. She has received an opportunity to start work with David Early and has accepted. They called me yesterday as a reference and her boss-to-be and myself hit it off so well that we sat and laughed for 45 minutes on the phone! If she is anything like she sounds, Barb is going to have a fantastic job and a fantastic atmosphere to work in!

Good weekends on ya!

Dear Diary Thursday....

Let me just start with a rant: There is an "anonymous" comment on JJ's blog that starts with "and not everything is always about you, jj" and continues with dripping sarcasm for the length of the paragraph. I don't take issue with other opinions but I DO take issue with posting any comment anonymously. If you think your sack is big enough to express an opionion, then fucking leave your name. I find it cowardly that somebody can not stand up for what they have to say! People do not always agree with what I have to say, but CHRIST....they know it is coming from me! So, if you don't have the balls to leave your name, then fuck off you cowardly shit! You are wasting everyone's time with your comment because without the strength to back it up, it is garbage. Thanks for letting me vent.....

Anyways, work was insane again today....I could not really work on the project that I am suppose to be doing because I had to be on the phones most of the day. However, tomorrow is Friday so I am keeping that in my mind......Friday, Friday, Friday ( go ahead, chant along with me) Friday, Friday, Friday....

Just got back from the gym....and had another lovely work out. I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, 30 minutes on my elipitcal machine (the one that JJ the Mule believes I am starting to mate with) and then 120 stomache crunches. I am energized!!! I am addicted to working out, how disgusting is that! I got to see JJ and Dylan, which is always a bonus. And I am looking forward to seeing Lindi and Connie soon, as well! Oh, and hopefully someday, I will run into DEE!!!(yes, I heard you were there last night and I missed you...my bad)......

Weekend is soon.....

Oh, and the color for Friday is Peach, Saturday is Blue, and Sunday is Gold....Connie, you should be SHINING on Sunday......

Dear Diary Wednesday...for real....

Let me tell you how very tired I am. I have not been sleeping well for a number of days now, nothing out of the ordinary, but it caught up. I forgot that if you look at a stack of papers and flip through them they are all number with the ODD numbers but you have to turn them OVER to find the even numbers and it is not the smartest thing to run to the Pit Boss and have HER explain it to you. It is also not good to call a company to place A HUGE order for plants and realize you are calling the COMPLETELY wrong company and that is why they can not locate any of the numbers you are giving them. It is also not good to drive home and be yawning so wide that you actually can not force your body to close your mouth so that you can actually see the road, in essence, it looks like you are giving and invisible giant an extended blow job. And worst of all, it is not good to drive home so tired that you actually do not remember leaving work, getting into your vehicle, driving home, parking your vehicle, and changing into your pajamas. Yep, that is where I am at.

Good work day, only because my very special honey-bear SHANE sent me the most beautiful flowers in the world with just a "because I love you" kind of card. Thank you AGAIN Shane, my dear friend!!! Other than that, I was actually ORDERED to quit responding to our marketing reps e-mails so quickly because they have started to complain about the other people on my team (well, Lorene gets our projects done quickly, WHY CAN'T THEY????), which is very difficult because I hate anything in any type of IN box....we will see what happens. I also have a HUGE project that was given to me and it is going to take me, no exaggeration, no less than probably three weeks to complete...that is on top of everything else I have going. HOWEVER, I know good things will come my way for doing these things.

On a happy note, I believe my point has been made that the on going confrontations and negativity needing to stop has been addressed. I have two very wonderful friends who both are in a much better, much more positive place tonight and a lot of "air" has been cleared between the three of us. I was taking all of the negativity that was being thrown around very personal, don't ask why as I don't know but that is the type of person I am, and it was drowning me. I want everyone to be happy, in their own places, and they feel exactly the same way. So now, we are all able to play in the sandbox again together, just not with the same toys. And I don't think anyone wants to play with their toys because I bet they are sticky.......

I miss you, Jeffy.....

Dear Diary Wednesday....

I have a friend who has a pet named "Aardvark". My friend loves this pet more than life itself. I visit the Aardvark, feed the Aardvark, and love the Aardvark more than life itself, as well. For that reason, I am now going to call myself AARDVARK. I don't give a flying fuck what anyone's opinion is, as I know that no one gives a fuck if I choose to call myself an AARDVARK. However, I know that for some strange reason in the universe, that because the Aardvark considers me an Aardvark and I consider myself and Aardvark, and because no one is truly impacted by this decision, and it changes nobody's life at all, this will become a continous source of discussion and debate. It will consume many lives, many hurt words will be exchanged, other individuals who don't the history will become involved, and people will lose sleep because this is of NO IMPORTANCE TO ANYONE, yet we must all fight over it. And as a person who does not care what others think, I will make sure that I make comments to each and every indivdual in my life, I will make sure that I check each person's blog and make comments on that as well, as we all know that this is of no importance to anyone but me but we must all fight over it. I will also make sure that in my quest to be an Aardvark that I drag many lives into this battle and that in this on going battle I push many, many friends away because I say that I do not want to discuss this issue, yet I will make damn sure that I continue to do so.

I want to make sure that when I emphasize how much I despise other people continuining to bring drama into their lives, when I openly mock them for beating a dead horse, that I make sure that I do this myself. I want to make sure that because of my non-stop need to beat the dead horse, I am causing dear friends to be involved in an ugly situation that they should not even be involved in, I am hurting many people around me, and I am alienating indivduals, and most importantly I am throwing so much negativity into the universe around me that by the end of this month, I should implode.

So from this day forward I AM THE AARDVARK.

Dear Diary Tuesday....

I just wrote the most incredibly scathing blog, and deleted it because I am too tired to care anymore. Yes, folks, you heard it right....the "emotional crutch and teat" is empty. I am not sure which direction I am turning, and not sure that I even care anymore. I have allowed more people to suck the very life out of me than I have the life for, my own fault, not placing blame. Just gonna take a step back, take a breather, stay in my shell for awhile more.

Work was work, need I say more.....

Oh, and if I read anymore about who is a parent, who is not a parent, who COULD be a parent, who is excluded from that exclusive club, I think I will take a draft of a thick PTA notice and shove it right up somebody's ass! I think that warning is pretty clear, but if you need me to clarify it, let me know.....

Dear Diary Monday, for real...

Okay, I am blogging, stop with the concerned e-mails, please. Very considerate, I appreciate the love, I really am okay just very exhausted right now. Nothing has happened and I have no witty commentary OR a horrible story to share. I am just in my emotional shell right now, I don't want to talk, I don't need or want anything. Just be patient with me...and I WILL CONTINUE TO POST...it'll probably be incredibly boring......maybe on single LONG paragraph to irritate the hell out of Jeffy.......

Dear Diary Monday....

I have a lot on my plate right now in my personal life, nothing I am going to discuss. However, I am going to take a little break from blogging, unless something of real interest or value that I decide I want to share happens.

Take care!

Dear Diary Sunday, continued....

So far today, I have vacuumed the house, done many o' loads of laundry, cleaned Nib's cage, orange oiled all of the wood in my house, scrubbed the bathrooms, made yummy-yummy vegetable soup, AND made a chocolate cherry quick bread for the folks for dinner. My dad is getting very, very tired of soups and stews so, in addition to soup for dinner, I am making him hamburgers!!! I am tired, more like exhausted, but I feel really good. I only have left cleaning my room and I will be complete for the day.

My hands are thrown in the air. I am emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed right now. I am not sure what my next step is....in the past it would be a step backwards, to remove myself from what is causing me to feel overwhelmed, and not to deal with it, to push it all deep inside. But the "new" me, or the "me" that has surfaced in the years since college, the "me" that is very blunt, very honest, and very confrontational is still contemplating, still deciding what needs to be done...could be a really interesting week......

Dear Diary Sunday....

The dizziness is gone! Well, the "blond dizziness" will always be there but the out of ordinary, not feeling well, can't walk because it makes me vomit, kind of dizziness is gone! I started getting a migraine last night and so I fell asleep with an ice bag on my head and slept until 7:30 this morning and I feel all better and energized! I am still sneezing, but I can actually feel the cold going away! HOORAY FOR ME!!

Anyways, let me just make this comment: "I LOVE YOU, I WILL STAND BESIDE YOU, I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HELP OUT THE SITUATION BUT IF YOU PEOPLE DON'T QUIT TALKING TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THE WOUNDS HAVE HEALED, I AM GOING TO RUIN A PERFECTLY NICE SET OF BOOTS THAT I OWN, NOT SURE WHICH PAIR YET, BURYING THEM ANKLE DEEP INTO YOUR ASSHOLES" okay, I feel much better, I think I got my point across....RIGHT???

Well, I have had a "week full of experiences and learning lessons" and I thank the Fates, my Goddesses (both of them), my God (all of them), my family, and most importantly, my "extended" family (friends). Without the lessons I have had this week I would not know how strong I am, how loved I am, the patience I have achieved, and the love I can share with others around me. Thank you for that......