Dear Diary Friday...

Mom is officially sick. I was up all night with her and her coughing, I went in to work until 8:30 and then flew home to take care of her. She has been on the couch since last night and I thought for sure we would be going to the ER. However, after my vigilance on my part, I think her coughing fits are actually lessening and I can tell that the severity has decreased. She is so exhausted and sore from the coughing that she is actually limp. A little later she will be taking a bath with some menthol and eucalyptus to help open her congested air passages a little more. Now if I can fight it off for my father!!

While I was home today, I decided to make some home made chicken soup, which turned out better than I have ever made before....with a lot less effort. Not exactly sure what the difference was, but it was damn good! And it was fun to watch the tables turn as I sat there and badgered my mom to keep eating, take another spoonful....the role of parent/child are definitely reversed today.

Did not make it to the gym yesterday or today, however, I am working out at home. Each morning I do 40 push ups and I am starting new abdominal exercises that they taught us at Weight Watchers. Tonight will be my first "official" night of doing those and I am actually looking forward to it.

Tomorrow, being Valentine's Day, Dylan has made us reservations at a French restaurant out in South Jordan. We had a whole day planned out, but with my mother falling ill, we are just going to play the next two days by ear. I did manage to get my finger nails done so that they would be pretty for this weekend......white tips with white hearts. Nothing fancy, but they look very nice.

Oh, and I got a "ray of hope" today. Apparently a lady called No More Homeless Pets LOOKING for a bunch of feral cats! She is moving to a ranch in Colorado and is willing to handle all of the transportation. Holly is working with her, as well as my friend Tjori to see if she will take ALL of the cats at the house I am working with. If she does, I have promised Tjori I will be another volunteer for No More Homeless Pets!!! My babies might have a new and safe home!!

I hope everyone has an awesome and romantic Valentine's Day!!!
Best feeling in the world: rolling over in the morning, while your bed is still all warm and soft, to realize you don't need to get up to go to work and can catch a bit more sleep.....

Dear Diary Thursday, continued....

My friend Season made it into work and announced that the deer on the side of the road was not dead. We started calling 911 and a veterinarian who is about 10 feet away from the deer. The vet REFUSED to go outside his front door and put the animal out of its misery, even if I was willing to come and pay for it! 911 let us know that an officer was on its way. Season and I got into my vehicle and headed up to be with the animal, only to discover that whomever had hit this beautiful creature, had also killed its' baby and had at least moved the baby off to the side of the road. They did not bother to call to make arrangements to put the mother out of it's misery...and I believe it was the UTA bus that is still parked up on the side of the road and has been since I came in this morning. Well, we drove by the deer, and just as we did it raised its head, unable to move the rest of it's body. I pulled into the parking lot, worried that if I pulled behind the deer it would put up a struggle, possibly putting it in more pain. We then started calling 911 non-stop, lying and telling them that the crowd had started, children were lining up for the bus, etc. We pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the deer, just as an officer arrived. You could tell that this officer was doing his duty, not enjoying the task, as he pulled his high powered rifle from the trunk. I yelled at Season to close her eyes, as I did not want her to witness what was about to happen, and the officer began to fire into the deer just as I was next to it, causing us both to scream out and begin to sob, which complicates driving. He fired into the animal three times, guaranteeing that he had ended its suffering. We made it back to work, still sobbing, into the building. Thankfully Season told everyone what had happened, as I was unable to speak without breaking into sobs again. So, can my day get better now?

Dear Diary Thursday...

Well, last night was pretty good. I got home and headed to the gym. I did not manage to get all of my ab crunches in, but did manage 150 with 10 lb weights. I then went home and my sister and Barb came over for Barb's birthday and we sat around and talked until about 8:00 and then I fell into bed. Unfortunately, my house is a walking sick ward. My mom has a horrible hacking cough and I can tell that my dad is going to be picking up on it and this morning I woke up with a stuffy head, runny nose, and the slightest touch of a cough. I WILL NOT BE GETTING SICK, but I need to make sure my parents get well as soon as possible.

I also came in this morning to a totally cute Valentine's card and a "love bug" stuffed animal and decorated desk from Toni! That made my morning as my morning was almost ruined by the beautiful deer that I saw dead on the side of the road by my work. There is nothing that will ruin my entire day and pull at my heart like seeing the lifeless body of a beautiful animal.

Also, I think my mood is lifting a bit. I decided yesterday to take more of an active role in what is going on in my life. I know, hard to believe that I had let it go. I had been pulling myself in way to many directions, trying to make time for everybody else and not giving myself anytime. Well, that came to an end. One thing that I have been worrying about is spending time with the folks. I am going to be doing that this weekend, along with giving Dylan some time, and then the majority will be time for ME to do with as I please. And if this ickiness keeps building, it might be spent in bed!

Best feeling in the world: turning on your electric blanket before getting into bed and then by the time you crawl into bed, it is all toasty....

Dear Diary Wednesday...

I wish I could say that I woke up with a great attitude, but that would be a total lie. I am determined to accomplish a great deal at work today and go to the gym, and that is helping to motivate me on. If it weren't for that, I would probably sit my ass on my couch all day and watch daytime TV so that my mood could get worse.

Let me just start this rant by saying how much I hate Valentines. It is my second favorite holiday to hate, Easter is my first. Valentines is a waste of time. It has become nothing but an ends to a stress filled life, especially if you are waiting for something "special" to happen. Thank God that Dylan and I seem to manage to make going to Vegas our "Valentines" to each other. Maybe my hatred for this holiday comes from the many, many years of being the chubby girl who nobody wanted. And then when I did manage to entrap an emotionally torturous boy to be my "boyfriend" it was nothing but a day for him to get as many expensive gifts out of me as he could. Now, don't think that I am wallowing in any self-pity, because that is not the topic. Dylan made me "appreciate" the holiday for all that it should be, a day to express your love for each other, but I just can't seem to grasp that concept this year. Maybe it is because of my mood this week, maybe it is because I am tired of having holidays shoved down my throat from September until March, maybe it is just because I am tired. But this year, Valentines can bite my ass!

And as you can tell by that rant, I am still not capable of being positive.......

Dear Diary Tuesday, part two...

Work was great, I had no complaint there. I am learning more and more about one particular co-worker, who normally irritates the hell out of me. Now that I am learning more about her, the more I like and respect her. I am also a bit of a "buzz" at work, as the biggest bitch in the entire world yelled out today, "What is going on with Lorene and So-and-So?" Well, what is going is that LORENE HAS A FRIEND THAT CALLS HER! Yep, great gossip, eh??? She was told, in very matter of fact terms, to shut her yap or else.

My attitude did not improve. I went to my Weight Watcher meeting, which was a really great one, and came home even in gloomier spirits. I am trying, really trying to work on this attitude, but I, at this point in time, and a bit disgusted with myself for many reasons, none that I am going to pinpoint specifically at this time because I am just too damn tired. However, tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to be positive.

Best feeling in the world: when you turn on your shower in the morning to hot, with no cold added, and it runs on your ice cold tiles in the shower and when you finally get in, the tiles are all warm and nice feeling on your cold feet......

Dear Diary Tuesday...

I wish I could say that I have not blogged because I have been busy, but that would be a total lie. I have not blogged because I really have not been in a positive mood lately. I have also discovered that trying to force yourself to be positive is not very productive. I am having some very emotional issues lately in regards to who I am and what I have allowed into my life, in view of people. I have discovered that some individuals who are friends, are not capable of being supportive friends in all areas of my life and with all choices. I have also discovered, and happily so, that some individuals in my life who I did not think would give a rat's ass have been my biggest cheerleaders. One of the largest disappointments I have found is that some individuals think that I should compete for their friendship. One thing I will never compete for is friendship or love. I guess it is time to allow what is going to happen, to happen.

On the same note of friendships, when friendships dissipate or die, that does not mean you stop caring for that individual and for their well-being. Connie has taught me that. I can allow someone to leave my life, even push them away, but unless they have hurt me to the point that I hate them, I can't just stop worrying about how they are doing, where they are in life, if the world is being good to them. Some times it takes a "slap in the face" for me to realize how much I truly allow people into my heart. Even those that are not a part of my life at this time, will always find a shoulder to cry on, a hug to be given, an available ear if they need to talk....

Okay, I am going to work on my attitude today...Hopefully I will have a better blog later....

Dear Diary Sunday...

Saturday was a very relaxing and wonderful day. Dylan and I spent some time at the Gateway and then we went back to his house and vegged in front of the TV with a picnic and watched three movies. Well, we almost watched three but had to turn two of them off because they were so awful! However, it was a wonderful day and evening just being able to relax, be with my best friend, and my biggest supporter.

Today has been great. I got up and shoveled/snowblowed my driveway and sidewalk, up into the circle, and all of their driveways, and down around the corner. I then had a little bit of breakfast, started some laundry, cleaned the bathroom, and have dusted. Also moved all the furniture so that my mom could vacuum. I have a batch of sourdough bread rising right now and we are going to have oyster stew for dinner. Unless you come from a very British home, you wouldn't like it. However, I have been eating oyster stew since I was about two months old and I absolutely love it!!! Weird, I know...

But that is going to be the sum of my day....Getting a lot of cleaning done, getting all of my laundry, and just getting some organization into my life.

Oh, I had a wonderful moment that I forgot to blog. My parents bought me the cutest pair of Levis for Christmas....Cute and way to small. I decided, for some strange reason, not to take them back. I tried them on yesterday and they not only fit, but are TOO BIG! I am excited as I am seeing the changes. I also had some one very close to me tell me that they could not only see the changes in me, but could feel and hear the attitude change in me...That I am a ball of positive energy. That made me feel wonderful as well.

Positive thought for the day: It is not necessary to "drive" the negative energy out of your life, the positive will over come it regardless and the negativity will leave on its own.