Dear Diary Wednesday....

My dad's dental appointment has been rescheduled and his eye surgery has been rescheduled....he is still too sick to leave the house. His coughing is not nearly as violent, but he still has it and I can still hear the congestion in his lungs.

Mom is back with the stomach flu and a migraine. She called me at work today, crying because she was so miserable and sick. I drove like a crazed woman trying to get home as quickly as possible. I gave her some medicine, put her too bed. Fed my dad breakfast, put him to bed. Then the ENTIRE house, top and bottom, was bleached, disinfeted, and Lysol'd. Everything was put into the dishwasher or the washing machine. Nothing escaped the wrath of a child fearful of her parent's illness...and more fearful that there is not an end in sight to this sickness. I can honestly say that I don't believe that there is anything worse than watching your PARENTS' being ill, and knowing that there really is not a damn thing you can do about it. I am trying, my patience is wearing very thin, but I am trying my hardest to stay strong for them. Sometimes, not very often, I wish I had the life of one of other siblings, or somebody else....somebody who does not have as much responsibility, who CHOOSES not to have as much responsibility. Because in the end, it comes down to the fact that I have chosen this road, and will gladly walk it. There are just those days.....

On a lighter note, I did get my eyes examined, even had them dilated which I can now say I hate having that done! Anyways, my prescription barely changed, but enough that I should wear my glasses all the time, including when I drive. The downside is that the pressure in my eyes is on the "high side of normal". What that means is now that my father has been diagnosed with very mild glaucoma, I am now probably going to be dealing with that heridatary factor, as well. My doctor told me not to fret over it, we will just be watching it every two years. Great...the idea of losing my eye sight.....

Dear Diary Tuesday...

Not that I feel I need to justify anything, but let me make something very clear. In my family, through all of the generations, there has always been one child that has taken care of the "family". That person takes on the responsibility of caring for the elderly, the sick, and the poor. That person takes on the responsibility of being the shoulder for people who need it, the strong back for others, and the hand of punishment as well. That person is the voice of sensibility. That person, this generation, is me, and I take that responsibility very seriously and enjoy it as well. I do not ask for "thank you's", I do not ask for my name to be in lights. I DO ask for respect. No, let me rephrase, I demand respect. I don't expect it anymore from anyone that I am family or friends with than what I give back. I do not ask more of others than I ask of myself. And having said that.....

With a lot of sickness occuring in my family lately, I have not had as much time to spend taking care of other friends and family, I have not had as much time to send out e-mails or call people, I have not had much time to do anything. And if this has been a huge inconvenience to YOU, then YOU can fuck off. It is just that simple. My first responsibility is to taking care of my family, everything else is secondary. Most people that I surround myself with, understand and respect the relationship I have with my parents and with my family. They understand why I take care of them and protect them the way that I do. Those are the people that this is not directed at. However, there are a few family and friends that believe that I should drop everything in my life to be at their beck and call, and unfortunately for them, that is not going to happen. To them I say, "Get use to it".

Dear Diary Monday....

Okay, the Happy Birthday ended up not being so happy. In fact, it ended up with us in the emergency room of PVH. After the first wave of visitors came to our house, we got them out of the house, we had dinner...my dad decided to relax in his chair. Well, I started to watch his breathing and could tell that he was struggling for each and every breath and was to the point he was panting. I then decided to place my hand on his forehead to see if he had a fever and came back with a hand that was dripping wet with his perspiration. It was then I decided he was going to the emergency room, and thankfully, there was no argument from him. Well, we get to the emergency room, visit with the triage nurse who IMMEDIATLY had them take him back to a cardiac trauma room. Do you see where this is going, yet? They start running every test known to man, had one of the best doctors I have ever worked with. Come to find out, my dad is not only having problems breathing, but he is experiencing massive chest pains. So, while they are doing the blood work, they decide to do a chest x-ray. Well, he was gone a very long time and I find out, that his blood work came back so screwy that it indicated he had a blood clot on his lung, and so did one of the x-rays. The doctor decided not to mess with the situation, so then my daddy got to under go a pulmonary angiogram, which is a fancy name for a CT scan of his chest. Luckily, that came back showing that there was no blood clot but that my dad had massive amounts of fluid and infection in both lungs.....signs of severe bronchitis. They were deciding whether or not to put him inpatient, but they decided that since they had such mother hens like my mom and I, to send my dad home with, he would be okay to leave. Then we had to run to get both of his prescriptions filled and then come home, get more on his stomach, start him on his antibiotic, wait for 45 minutes, then give him his cough syrup. Needless to say, I got about 1.5 hours of sleep before my alarm went off and then I found my mom sleeping in the front room, which is usually a sign that she does not feel good! So, thankfully, she is feeling good, my dad was just making too much noise for her to sleep in the bedroom and I decided that I was staying home. Spending my weekend taking care of them has exhausted me, so today I am spending the day relaxing and taking care of them.

Send your energy...we are all going to need it.....

Dear Diary Sunday...

Happy Birthday to my Daddy! If any of you did not know, my dad is 73 today. Yes, yes, he had me in his "later years" but growing up with parents that have experience so much more of life than my other friends has been an education unto itself.

Anyways, my dad's sickness is now into full swing....again. He has agreed to go and see a doctor tomorrow, only because I think he is tired of me badgering him, tired of coughing until he vomits, and tired of being tired! And sometime tomorrow, I will be making an appointment to go and see an eye doctor myself....gotta do something as I don't know how I am going to handle not wearing my glasses all week and working at a computer. Maybe my eyes will be retrained and I will no longer NEED to wear glasses! Well, a girl can dream can't she....

On to a different subject. The idea of group of citizens carrying around, parading around, the bodies of our soldiers makes me absolutely sick. Not only the idea of the parent's of these children seeing their bodies being run through the streets, but the idea that such acts of inhumanity make me hate those people, make me think racist remarks. I am far more educated than that to normally think such things, I would try my hardest never to openly express it, but my brain is turning in that direction. I wonder if they stop to think how their mother's would feel if she turned over to channel 2 to watch video of her child's body being dragged through the dirt, kicked and spit on by people who never knew what kind of person her child was. Do you think then they might treat the dead with a little more respect????