Dear Diary Friday...

Let me get you caught up on the good stuff this week: 1) I have a brand new beautician AND a brand new hairstyle. I love, love, LOVE them both and probably will never change stylists again! 2) my sister called and apologized and I have forgiven but I have not forgotten and I still have not spoken to her, 3) had the best lunch yesterday with two co-workers....we went and bought porn magazines and made many, many new friends at the magazine store! So all in all, this week has not been too bad!!

Weekend is shaping up fairly nicely. Today, as soon as I am allowed to leave work, I will be hanging out with Dylan, going to see a movie, doing some shopping, nothing out of the ordinary. Saturday I am getting my car's oil changed, doing some shopping with Mom, and then in the evening I get to hang out with one of my favorite men and do dinner! Sunday is MY day...I plan on making stew, doing the stack of laundry that is threatening to take over my room, some major cleaning of my downstairs bathroom, and relaxing. I love non-stressful weekends....

Dear Diary Thursday...

It is Thursday, I am here at work, it is already a good morning. My mood is somber, at best. I have had Scott on the brain for a few weeks, okay honestly, when have I NOT had Scott on the brain, and this morning is just a rougher morning than most. On the drive into work, I heard nothing but songs that reminded me of him...I miss him and THAT realization has finally hit me. At least the hatred has gone, which is good.

Have not heard from my sister, that is also a good thing. My attitude about her has mellowed, I am no longer gnashing my teeth when I speak of her, but I also have realized that my relationship with her will never be the same....my choice. I can not allow somebody access to my feelings that treats them like a kicking stone, and she has always done that. I can also not allow a person to be close to me that has an opinion of me that I have no heart and no emotions. If she knew me as well as she thought, she would realize that I carry my heart in my hands and offer it freely to people and that I try and hide my pain and disappointment, when it happens, but I do that out of not wanting to cause the other person pain as well. I know I come across as a really tough person, and I am, but tough people are hurt and cry also....something I have also come to learn through the passing of Scott. So, she will be a "sister" by blood only, no longer a close friend. Should I be upset by this, because I am not??

Also have started intensly studying more about my Craft. Not that I have shared this, but when one discovers that she/he is a Witch, there is an entire process that takes a full YEAR of going through to start practicing the Craft. I was remembering that year because it started out with, "I just want to cast spells, DAMMIT!" And then, with more studying and more praying and more mediating, I learned that there are REASONS you don't get to cast spells that first year....you are not smart enough, not stable enough, and you need to work through your baggage. The reason? You are dealing with putting a lot of energy into the universe, that energy comes back three fold, do you want all of YOUR emotional baggage to come back three fold????? Anyways, the studying has helped me come full circle with a great deal of my emotional pain in the last week...it is amazing what things POP up at you when you need to read them......

Dear Diary Monday...

So, let me tell you how my morning started! I did receive very much sleep last night. Alas, I think I had slept too much last week and my body was just letting me know that the SLEEP TANK was full! So, I woke up went to work and started in on my Monday morning duties. My work day does not start until 7:30 but I am usually there by 6:15. Well, starting at 7:00, my sister starts calling, leaves a message. In between 7:00 and 8:00, she calls three times. Well, I have been avoiding her like the plague because last Thursday she called me to let me know my mother was mad at her and had been rude on the phone. I said I would address this with my mother and get back to her. Then the more I thought about it the more I realized that the relationship between my mother and my sister is just that.....between them! I hate it when either one of them sticks their nose in my business, so I resolved NOT to do that with them. So I knew my sister was calling me today about that. Well, in a matter of 30 minutes SHE SCREAMED AT ME AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS, she cried, she screamed some more and I was told three VERY important facts.....take note as there will be a quiz: 1) I am a LIAR, 2) I have absolutely NO HEART, and 3) I have no emotions and so people SHOULD be mean to me and not to her. Needless to say I hung up with her, called my mom who says she is NOT mad at my sister and has no idea what she is talking about ( a lie, but that is between them) and I call my sister back, leave her a very rude and stinging message ("Mom is NOT mad at you. Mom has NO idea what you are talking about and from now on you CALL MOM AND DISCUSS THESE THINGS" and followed up with SLAMMING my phone down as hard as I could without breaking it). Top this all off with the fact that everyone around me could hear her screaming, I was so upset that I was shaking and had tears in my eyes. My sister is INSANE! HOWEVER, what makes me mad is that ONCE AGAIN somebody would feel that I have no heart and that I can not be hurt...like I am a robot!! I am not sure which way to turn in that aspect but I do know one thing.....my sister better stay a LONG way from me for the rest of her life. This has been coming for some time and she has made comments like me having no heart for awhile, now I know she is serious about that....so to her, she is right....I know longer have a heart.

Other than that, work was good.

Dylan is still sick, but thankfully, he will be seeing the doctor tomorrow. I am certain he now has bronchitis, if not pneumonia. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he fights it, he always gets it...my poor babes!!!

Dear Diary Sunday...

Well, the Super Bowl will be different this year. I won't be hanging out with a huge group of friends, and I am actually alright with that, given the circumstances. Dylan is so sick that even a little bit of talking or laughing starts him into a fit of coughing. Toni and Rob are staying close to their phone today, as Toni's uncle will probably not make it through the weekend (May the Gods and Goddess carry his soul on the next life with dignity and love) and Jeffy is going to be with another group of friends, as this year is extra, extra hard for him, and Constance is going to be with her new lady's family. I will be spending my time with Dylan and we have decided to make the most of the day by having a picnic while we watch the Super Bowl.....oh, and that is after I get him good and drugged up....just like I like my men!

Last night was nice. I spent the evening watching movies with the parents and going to bed very early. I actually watched AND enjoyed a "chick flick" which was "The Divine Adventrues of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" and was impressed. I went into watching this video with deep convictions of how horrible it was going to be that when it turned out to be entertaining, I was overwhelmed with joy!!! I saw not only a great deal of my friends in this movie, but a great deal of myself....which when I can relate to a movie, I enjoy it more. Now you all know why I like movies about monsters and serial killers!!!

Colors for this week: Sunday - Orange (oh, I don't think so!); Monday - Lavender; Tuesday - Red; Wednesday - White; Thursday - Green; Friday - Rose; Saturday - Blue