Thursday, April 30, 2009

Dear Diary Thursday...

If you know me, then you know that in the last year and few months, I have been seeing a physician off and on for battling anxiety and depression. Well, I learned a valuable lesson on it....do not just decide to stop a medication without first talking to your physician about it!

I have been on Welbutrin now for over a year.....one pill in the morning, one in the afternoon. Since starting it, I had discovered that I really could control my temper, I really could have less anxiety, I could really stop my suicidal thoughts, I really could be happy. Well, as the doctor thought....that started to plateau for me so we started on an additional medication, Lexapro, 7 weeks ago, to take with my Welbutrin. It was absolutely AMAZING! All of my issues that I had begun to have completely went away....I was back to being able to function like a normal human being all over again. I could see the sun, I could find the silver lining, it was all back to being an enjoyable life. And then I decided to stop the Lexapro due to a side effect I was not enjoying. OH GAWD what a horrible mnistake! Thankfully I was able to "man up" and call my physician and tell her what had been going on and what I did. I also explained that my medical insurance will not pay for two medications at the same time and I really did not want to have to pay a huge amount of money. She was GREAT! I am still on my Welbutrin and I pick up a different medicaiton (a generic) at another pharmacy without going through my insurance....for $4.00! WOOOHOO!! The moral of the story is this.....I know I am an extremely strong person but I also know I have a chemical imbalance that I have no control over. You may not have the choice to be in pain, but you do have the choice on whether you suffer and I decided to stop suffering and get help. It was honestly the smartest thing I have ever done in my life and I am sure it saved not only my life, but many relationships that I cherish every day.

Deciding to make a difference in my life was hard, but I figure that now if I speak about the subject with someone, I have the experience to base it off of. I find it irritating when somebody begins to impart "wisdom" based upon no experience, no knowledge of the situation, nothing. Do not get me wrong, we all have opinions on just about everything....including ME....but now I can speak about this situations with other people coming from somebody who lives with it.

YAY for living better through pharmaceuticals!!!!!

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