Dear Diary Sunday...

Well, I wish I could say that this week ended on a positive note, but that would be a HUGE lie! I ended up coming down with some mysterious illness on Thursday...migraine, sore throat, sneezing, and the very worst of it...exhaustion. I came home Thursday from working, after having to cancel a much anticpated dinner with Jeffy and Dylan, and I went directly to bed and never woke up again until my alarm went off at 4:00 am. Needless to say, I had MANY phone calls on Friday at work from very worried friends and family. Friday started off almost worse with the illness, but I fought it valiantly all day, went to dinner with Dylan and the Netzlers, which I have to say was very enjoyable since it has been a long time since the four of us went out last, but by 8:00 pm, the migraine was back, much stronger. So, had to cut the evening short and went home. Ended up having to fall asleep with an iceback on my head and neck. BUT I woke up feeling almost completely better today!

Oh, today was almost perfect! Went to breakfast with the folks, which was wonderful. Then we went over to my sisters and I got to spend several hours with my little, perfect angel, Trinity. I have to say, not being biased or anything, but she is the most beautiful, most perfect, most delicate little girl in the entire world and I may steal her. Chet.....I found our future child!!!! Anyways, after crawling into bed to wake up my other favorite niece, Corrine, she came up to visit with me and we are planning a day, hopefully in the next couple of weeks, that we can go and hang out and spend some time together. She is DESPERATLY needing to get out and be away from her mother!! After we left, we went shopping to Petsmart and Costco, then to a pet store (don't ask) and came home. My daddy was absolutely exhausted, but it was good to get him out and walking. After being sick and stuck in the house, and mostly only in his chair, he has needed some exercise, so today was a good day for him. Tomorrow I am planning on barbecuing and doing some pruning of the trees in the backyard. Unfortunately, I am starting to feel the slight sensation, again, of the migraine coming on, so I am going to be taking drugs here to get rid of it!!!!

Dear Diary Wednesday....

This weather is driving me insane! I so desperatly want to be out in it instead of at work. AARRRRGGGHHHH!! Oh well, I am sure I will get my fair share of it this weekend.

Work has been busy but fun. I am continuously making snide, but lovable comments, out loud about how I should not be talking, as people are having issues with me being able to talk AND work. I have seen a couple of sneers, but mostly people have come over to add their comments about how people that have problems with our ability to talk and work can take their opinions and shove them up their asses. The support has been wonderful.

Working out this week has been wonderful! Today we took a break and went to Wally World so I could get my nails done and we ended up walking around there for almost an hour....a work out itself!

Not much else has happened. Oh, Jeffy gets to leave on Saturday to go to Pasadena and be cool and see the new X-Men 2 movie and, again, be cool. Send him positive energy and good thoughts for a safe trip.

Dear Diary Monday...

Today was...alright. Work was hectic, but nothing I could not handle, right up until 4:30, which is when I am SUPPOSE to leave, and the Pit Boss came out to TELL me to get on the phones, to which I looked at her and told her I would be happy to get back on the phones for her....tomorrow morning, and I left. She was stunned into silence and watched me walk away. Oh, and couple that with finding out one of my coworkers is being fired and being replaced with a HORRIBLE customer service representative who we had NOTHING but problems with in the first place. One step forwards, eighteen steps back....
Anyways, my decision to regain my personal strength is helping me. I knew I had lost a lot of "myself", but really did not understand how much. I had lost my honesty (to myself and to others), I had lost my inner strength, I had lost my ability to "take care of myself" in any given situation....all things that make up who "Lorene" is. It was nice standing up for myself today, not taking being pushed around. THAT is the Lorene that I miss. Watch out world....

Daddy is feeling much better. I can tell he is by the fact that he is back to being bossy and cranky. When he doesn't feel well, he is a pushover, but when he feels good....watch the hell out! He has also lost complete sight in the eye with the macular hole, so he is very antsy to get the surgery, which is good, because it is making him fight for his health. Mom is also doing much, much better. She and I went to the gym tonight and she became winded a couple of times, sat down and rested, and we started back up again. Her anureysm has grown a bit, but still too small for surgery. The cyst on her kidney has grown a great deal, but causes her no discomfort, so they don't want to do surgery on that either. I just need to get her strength back and the world will be a good place.

Oh, I am loving this time of year! I get to PRUNE TREES on Saturday. Yes, I will probably plummet to my death, or at least several broken bones....BUT I DON'T CARE....I love to be outside and playing in nature!!!! Hmmm......who would like to sign this next cast????

Dear Diary Sunday...

Today is my "get your shit in order" kind of day. Doing a lot of laundry, cleaning, and baking...all things I like to do, for myself really, when I have a lot on my mind. Watching late night Saturday tv gives me a lot to thinkg about.....

1) When something is important to you, that does not give you the right to take up all of the "talking time" and lives of those around you...which I have been doing a lot of lately with the birth of my niece. If it is important and special to me, that does not make it important and special to others. In the same frame of mind, if it is important to somebody else, that does not need to make it important to me. However, since this is my blog, I will probably go on and on and on....just skip past it or don't visit my blog if it is boring to you.

2) Lives, and friendships, change and evolve. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. I have certain relationships in my life that have become stagnated and boring.....not the other person's fault, as I take responsibility for what happens in my life. Boring bothers me...I don't find it "comfortable" like other people do. I also don't like being made to feel that my entire life, every waking moment, should be devoted to those other people. I need, desire, and will take time for me.

3) When I start to feel that I am taken for granted in a relationship, it is time for that relationship to expire.

4) Sometimes, but very rarely, you need to let an old relationship, one that you have pushed away, come back in to see what happens. Maybe that person has changed, maybe I am just needing a little bit of excitement, maybe I just want to see what happens....

5) Sometimes I need to bite the bullet, and my tongue, and just continue on, for a short period of time, doing something I don't like doing. Take that any way you want, but I am ACTUALLY discussing some aspects of my work.

6) This blog was started, and will continue, to be a place for me to express my thougths and my emotions. It is my personal diary. I will put things in here that might be disturbing and might be hateful and might be hurtful. Those are MY emotions, which are subject to change and evolve.

7) I love being a witch. I love being in touch with a part of me that for a VERY long time I hid. I love being able to meditate, cast blessings and spells, be an open person. It has made me more trustful, more honest, more full of love for others. HOWEVER, I am still working on patience, for myself and others.

8) I have a horrible self image and self esteem. These are things I am going to be working on. I think the fact that I am acknowledging it is a huge step on my part.