Dear Diary Thursday,

Well, I guess you could have figured it out for yourself with how my week started that my Halloween was pretty damn shitty....and it was. I spent Tuesday finishing carving pumpkins with my Daddy, we then made caramel apples and caramel popcorn. I then put on Helga Jo's and Coal's costumes and took them over to my folks house. I then came home and sat with Dylan and passed out trick or treats. It was very unmotivated, very unemotional, and just all around depressing night. I didn't even both sending out blessings into the universe for Samhain because I just didn't feel the way I should to do something like that. Dylan has been wonderful through this all, knowing how hard this was for me and knowing how hard I handle death anyways. He took down ever last piece of Halloween decorations on Wednesday so I could just put the whole thing behind me. I know next year will be better. And believe it or not, I think that knowing that this was coming, giving myself a chance to grieve before the process took place has helped me handle this better than I thought I would. Even my parent's are doing okay because they had grieved before it happened and it is a bit easier on them knowing that both Tinker and Toby are in absolutely no pain now, enjoying their time together in the Afterworld, and waiting patiently for all of us to join them again. Plus, I don't have to worry about my parent's trying to carry those dogs up and down the backporch stairs every time they needed to go out, or worrying themselves sick when we had to leave the house that something was going to happen to one of them.

Tonight has been a wonderful night. Jeff and Dylan went bowling and I got in the mood to "organize". All of my sweaters are waiting to be laundered, my entire closet has been organized, my drawers are organized, the kitchen has been cleaned....every stupid little project that I have been putting off because "I didn't have time" has now been completed....and I feel WONDERFUL ABOUT IT! Plus, this is one more thing off my mind and a few more things off my plate to do this weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, I plan on RELAXING! Yep, gonna watch some movies and just chill. It is gonna be so nice......

My thoughts and prayers out to Dee....hope you are feeling much better! And to Jeffy....hope you are over the Plague. And Shane and Chet...you two have had enough "family" situations on your plate that I hope you are taking care of yourselves and each other. And Connie and Lindi...hope you are both feeling better after that flesh eating disease you got. And of course Toni, glad you are back where you are happy.

Dear Diary Monday...

The hardest part of being a pet "owner" is knowing when it is time to say good-bye. This morning I said good-bye to two of my oldest and most loved pets....Tinkerbell and Toby. Tinker's seizures came back with a venegance on Saturday....he had two horrible ones that day and by this morning, had decided that he know longer found food interesting....which is completely opposite of how he normally is. He was lethargic and would only walk a few paces before he had to lay down and completely flat so he could catch his breath. Toby, this morning, could not walk without help. He would stumble and fall and act like he was not really sure where he was and had also not eaten since yesterday morning....which was minimal. Both he and Tinker were up all night coughing...the cough that comes with congestive heart failure. As hard as it was, I knew it was time....it was too much of a struggle for them to continue on and it was killing my Mom watching it day in and day out. They both let me know in their own way that it was time. I called the vet and The Powers That Be must have known I would need help, because my absolute favorite vet tech, Holly, answered the phone and walked me through it, including letting me decide when to come, which was right when I got off the phone. My Mom and I packed the pups into the car and headed to the vet.....both lying very still in the car letting us know it was okay, that they were ready. We signed all the papers and Holly took a look at me and said it would probably be easier for me to remember them the way that they were and not to watch them pass....she promised to be with them and it would be quick.....and it was. I will be picking up their ashes in a couple of weeks. As hard as this is, as horrible as I feel, I know it was for the best and I am glad they went together....the only way I could have imagined them going.