Friday, August 27, 2004

Dear Diary Friday...

New day, new attitude. Plus waking up to the smell of Autumn in the air does wonders for me every year...

I have seen a lot of bad in me this week, have been down a road that I have not been down in a long time and have thought thoughts I never thought would enter my head again. All have made me realize how strong I can be by myself and how I can get through any situation on my own means and by my own power. I am my strongest fan. The help of my friends has been awesome as well and I thank all of you for your continuous kicks in the ass this week.

One thing I have been struggling with is the exhaustion I feel from coming home after a long day of work, going to the gym, then getting home again to cooking and cleaning. I have decided that I can't do that EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and so I won't anymore. Some nights you just have to curl up with a good book and take time out for yourself, to recharge your energy, and I will be doing that from now on.

Ah, and thank goodness that I have a wonderful weekend to look forward to. I get to hang out with Toni on Saturday at the Meat Fest and the remainder of my weekend is going to be doing things that I want to do. I have some Fall plants I need to get in the ground, I need to go and get some new work pants because I have had a couple of them ruined, I probably will pick up some new Fall sweaters, and what else....who knows.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Dear Diary Wednesday...

I usually feel strong...emotionally and spiritually, and the key to this phrase is "usually". Today, and most of this week, I feel anything but that. I feel limp. I feel worn out. I feel like if I could crawl into a small dark corner, I would be okay with that. I am not sure where this "drag" is coming from, but honestly at this time I really don't care. I don't want to think, I don't want to speak, I don't want....and that is abnormal for me. I have tried to be lighthearted and cheerful with the few people in my world I honestly care for, but I could not even do that today. I have worked through depressions before, but this is a new one to me. Maybe it is due to not have a period, by choice, for two months. Maybe it is the stress of all of the moving finally catching up with me. Maybe the stars, suns, and moons are not in the right alignment. I don't care. I'm tired....really, really tired. I even talked with a wonderful friend on the phone when I got home from work and all I could do what answer "uh huh" through most of it because all I was doing was crying anyways. The call, meant to make both of us feel much much better on effectively made me feel like a horrible friend and person....not the intention of the other person. It really would not matter, today, what you said to me, I will take it personal.

I plan on taking something to help me sleep tonight and I might start on the bottle of KettleOne Vodka Jeffy left here. I want to feel numb. I want to feel no pain. I want some extended sleep.

I will try and be more cheerful tomorrow, but if my mood does not improve, I am going to take a couple of days off from blogging. Why would I want to depress my guests????

To that special friend that called me, I love you too and I am sorry I was not more of a conversationalist. Your honesty, your candor, your friendship means a great deal to me.

To the friend that helped me make it through today at work without hurting anyone, you know I love you regardless of your desire to spit in my salad.

Oh, and if you have not bought your discount tickets from Smithtix to the Utah State Fair, which is September 9-19, you need to go and get them by this weekend. They are only $5.00.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Dear Diary Monday...

Oh, what a rotten Monday! We had three people out today and we took a RIDICULOUS amount of calls....over 1000 by the time I left at 3:00 and I was on the phone the majority of the day. Add the phones to the obnoxious amounts of faxes, e-mails, customer service logs, questions by customer service people, and the remainder of the thousands of other projects I am working on did not add up to a pleasant day. Plus you need to add in that my mood is not exactly "positive" where work is concerned because I am still burned over the fact that I had to come into work last Friday. That whole situation is still pissing me off. Oh, and did I mention that last week the Pitboss told my boss that she did not want any of our new hires sitting by me because I was "not a good influence"...and no, she was not kidding. Oh, and did I also mention that on Friday the Pitboss was frustrated so she decided to come over and wrap her hands around my throat and strangle me.....not in a very kidding "ha ha" kinda way since after she walked away I had massive red marks on my neck??! Yeah, she makes working there very enjoyable. The bad part is that no matter what is said, no matter what temper tantrum is thrown, things would only change temporarily and then go right back to how bad it is now. For some reason my employer thinks that they should treat the really crappy employees like "trophy" employees and the employees that work their asses off and do a fantastic job like slave labor. I have one lady on our team that takes over a 100 calls a day, NEVER escalates a call, does additional work, NEVER calls in sick and is NEVER late and has passed over on two different promotions! Why? Because she is SO VALUABLE IN CUSTOMER SERVICE!!! I don't know what it is, my job or my attitude, but something is going to have to give.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Dear Diary Sunday...

I had a wonderful weekend. I managed to get out of work on Friday at 10:15 am and came home and took a nap. Then Dylan and I decided to go and see "The Exorcist Prequel" which was okay, at least better than "Spiderman". After that, we met the Netzlers at the Polynesian Festival and were disappointed that Friday night was their version of the Mormon Roadshows where they have skits and singing and entertaining and no food. We decided to part ways and try it again on Saturday. Dylan and I decided to go and get Greek food and then we hung out at the house and relaxed.

Saturday we met the Netzlers again and when to the South Towne Expo for the Pet Expo and had so much fun! Toni and Rob brought my nephew Bear and he was so adorable and so well behaved!! Dylan and I managed to fall in love with a new "cause" and will be looking into becoming parents of rescued Greyhounds as soon as we get back from our trip. After the Expo, the four of us headed back to the Polynesian Festival for some wonderful, wonderful food. After that, we all decided to head up to the Yuppie Puppie to see what kind of rescued dogs they had. We ALMOST got a puppy, but thanks to the responsibility streak in Dylan, we did not adopt him. After that, we parted ways with the Netzlers and Dylan and I headed back to the house where we relaxed the rest of the evening and watched a couple of movies.

Today I am hanging out with the folks and taking them shopping and them I hope to get back to work on a project here at the house that is driving me CRAZY! We have on room in the house that STILL has boxes and I want them all put away, the room straightened up, and my stepper brought inside and put in that room!!!! Either that or we are going to move the cat room downstairs....not sure which. All I know is right now, the BOXES MUST GO!

Good to hear that Shane is almost out of his funk and had a wonderful weekend. I love you Shane and Chet!!! And thanks again to the Netzlers for the invitation to hang out with them on Friday and was a great time!!!!!