Dear Diary Wednesday...

I usually feel strong...emotionally and spiritually, and the key to this phrase is "usually". Today, and most of this week, I feel anything but that. I feel limp. I feel worn out. I feel like if I could crawl into a small dark corner, I would be okay with that. I am not sure where this "drag" is coming from, but honestly at this time I really don't care. I don't want to think, I don't want to speak, I don't want....and that is abnormal for me. I have tried to be lighthearted and cheerful with the few people in my world I honestly care for, but I could not even do that today. I have worked through depressions before, but this is a new one to me. Maybe it is due to not have a period, by choice, for two months. Maybe it is the stress of all of the moving finally catching up with me. Maybe the stars, suns, and moons are not in the right alignment. I don't care. I'm tired....really, really tired. I even talked with a wonderful friend on the phone when I got home from work and all I could do what answer "uh huh" through most of it because all I was doing was crying anyways. The call, meant to make both of us feel much much better on effectively made me feel like a horrible friend and person....not the intention of the other person. It really would not matter, today, what you said to me, I will take it personal.

I plan on taking something to help me sleep tonight and I might start on the bottle of KettleOne Vodka Jeffy left here. I want to feel numb. I want to feel no pain. I want some extended sleep.

I will try and be more cheerful tomorrow, but if my mood does not improve, I am going to take a couple of days off from blogging. Why would I want to depress my guests????

To that special friend that called me, I love you too and I am sorry I was not more of a conversationalist. Your honesty, your candor, your friendship means a great deal to me.

To the friend that helped me make it through today at work without hurting anyone, you know I love you regardless of your desire to spit in my salad.

Oh, and if you have not bought your discount tickets from Smithtix to the Utah State Fair, which is September 9-19, you need to go and get them by this weekend. They are only $5.00.