Dear Diary Saturday...

Call me strange, but I love waking up to very dark skies and a hint of bad weather in the air. I love it because I don't have to worry about the sun blinding me while driving, giving me a headache, and it is a chance for me to wrap myself in a blanket with Dylan and we can snuggle. However, we are shopping first, then snuggling.

This week has been a good one so far. The stoploss hell ended for me on Wednesday when I left work 1 hour early. Thursday I ended up staying home the whole day and doing laundry and just relaxing. Yesterday I spent the day shopping with my mom and then going to dinner with Dylan, getting some fabulous deals on my bras that I love so much and then called it an early night. Today, again I state I woke up to perfect weather, and have already gone to feed the cats that I am caring for, cleaned up my room, balanced my check book, and am now relaxing. Dylan and I will be getting together to do some more window shopping, having dinner, and watching the two new movies that I have..."The Order" and the "League of Extraordinary Gentleman." Tomorrow, I am spending the day with my daddy, putting all of the Christmas stuff back into storage. Then hopefully, we can get the greenhouse up.

After this year, I have come to realize some stuff that I normally would find disturbing, but now I take with a grain of salt in most situations. I discovered that a friend of many years, who I thought would be by my side during anything and everything, is not who I thought this person was. When getting my feelings hurt, I normally would have turned to thoughts of how to get this person back but with my age, I have discovered other things. I am alright with keeping this individual at an arm's length, because it was not me that caused the pain to the friendship, it was something within this individual who decided to harm it. Maybe in years, the relationship could blossom again.

I also discovered that when ending another relationship, I was not a nice person and I regret not being nice, but not ending the relationship. I honestly, in my heart, wish that person all the happiness that the Universe can give. That individual is making huge changes in their lives, POSITIVE changes, ones that I think should be applauded for, in the large scheme of things, that individual was a remarkable person to have had in my life. Many things were taught. However, the friendship was not meant to be, as it was caustic, full of venom, and would have become uglier. Earlier in my life, when such a turmoil had happened, again, I would have turned to thoughts of how to hurt this person, now I only wish them love if they are able to move on peacefully. Maybe in years, the relationship could blossom again.

One friendship has evolved from dishonesty, to acceptance and love. A friendship that was strong, but not on a sturdy base. Now there is a stronger friendship because of the fact that both of us realize the weakness and strengths of the other person and love them for it. That relationship HAS blossomed and I thank the adversities that came into play for bringing it to fruition.

Four friendships have evolved more but that was expected. One is my eternal friend...Fiery and fierce. One is calm, collected, a sense of balance and reason, and damn hilarious when drunk. One is my male "self", able to hold me and kiss me as a best friend, make me glow from inside, share my energy and the bond we have. One is my "Tower of Power", the brother I always wanted to have but never did.

One friendship has stayed the same, my best friend and my life long companion. The man who never ceases to amaze me with his strength, his intelligence, who desire to do right by me, the man who I feel safe with and am honored to share the rest of my life with.

I guess I am just lucky to have had so many friends come and go, to have learned so much by each, to take the experience and the learning to grow. I love aging....It is like waking up to a dark and stormy day.....