Okay.....

Better, but still angry.

The funeral was amazing. I would have only expected all of the people, all of the support, and all of the love to show up in one room as a tribute to that amazing man, Scott. The words that were expressed touched my soul in ways that will continue to reverberate through it for the rest of my life. I walked away remember why I loved him the way that I did. And now I love Jeff even more. To watch Jeff move through the last week with such complete strength and grace has been phenomenal. If I can became half of what Jeff is as a human and as a friend, I will be content. Oh, and I could never tell you how much I love their mom!

After the services, a group of us went to the Rodizio in honor of all of the meat that Scott would never have. After not eating for a full week, I started and could not stop. The comraderie and laughter was the best medicine in the world. It brought me around from a mindless daze that I have been in, unless when kept busy, and the distraction was appreciated.

Then we went to Jerry's for a fun wake in honor of Scott. Lots of liquor, lots of laughter, lots of friendship, and a huge trampoline rounded off the evening. Scott would have appreciated all of the idiocy and love that was endless. The only thing that would have made the evening better would have been his physical presence with us.

So, I believe I am moving on into a better place. Jeffy, I am sorry for the harsh words below and I hope you will be able to forgive me. I unfortunately, have not moved to the place yet where I can say and believe that Scotty loved me but I don't want to hate him anymore. I want to forgive him for I know he was in pain, but that is going to take just a little bit longer. However, your strength and endurance in this is the example that I need and I thank you for allowing me to be a part of this whole experience. I will never be able to accurately tell you how much I love you, just know that I do and it is bigger than the universe.

Oh, and I never thougth I would say this, but thank you Elvis Costello.