Here goes....

I hate you.

I hate what you have done to me.

I hate the fact that I cry ever day into work and every day home from work. I hate that I can't sleep because of my anger towards you. I hate that the first time I am going to meet your mom and your family is because of this selfish act. I hate that I can't eat anything and when I do, it doesn't stay in my body. I hate that I have to run and keep running because when I stop, I cry. I hate that you called me. I hate that you planned this out so perfectly. I hate what you have put your family and your friends through, and mostly, what you have put Jeffy through. I hate that you lied to me in so many ways. I hate that I am slamming the keys on this keyboard because I am so angry with you and crying at the same time. I hate that you had so much to offer the world, but you decided that you needed to take it away. I hate you because you were too selfish to stick it out with us. I hate you because you won't see me get married, grow old with Dylan. I hate that I will never see YOU get married. I hate you because you took everything away, you took yourself away, and now I can only think that everything you have ever said to me was a lie. I hate that because of you my coworkers, my friends, my family are WORRIED about me. I hate that people have seen a side of me that I never like to show....I am not soft by heart. I hate how you have made me feel. I hate that you didn't give me a chance to help. I hate you for not telling me the pain you were in right then. I hate you. I hate hating you.

I want to move past this, I KNOW I will move past this, but it is only going to take time.

I can still hear your stupid laugh, that stupid evil sigh you made when you were irritated, the feel of your damn hair and the feel of you when you will give me a hug. I can still hear you call me 'Rene. I hate it because it makes my cry even harder.

If the tables were turned, you would hate me too.

I miss you and will never forgive you, even though if you were here, I'd punch you in your face!!!!!