Better.....

I don't hate him anymore...just angry, disappointed, and hurt.

I think I finally explained to Dylan how emotionally overwhelmed I was and that is why I shut down...it is a horrible defense mechanism I picked up when I was younger. When the emotions become too much, everything halts....flat affect. No emotions, no tears, no screaming, no fluctuations in my voice.....and from where I am sitting it sounds like I am talking in a tunnel and everything is moving in slow motion. It sucks for other people, but it is a place of peace for me. So, that took care of one of our issues.

Work has been insane. I hate a marketing rep who is over one of my accounts and she has decided I am her personal servant. She asked me to send an e-mail to a client today and then after I did HER JOB FOR HER, she proceeded to half-ass thank me for doing and then corrected my spelling! What a fucking cunt!!! Forgive me for my inability to be as perfect as her! Oh, that was just the start of the day...it just proceeded to get worse and worse and worse. I don't think I have ever dropped the F bomb so many times in one day.

You know what sucks most right now? The fact that I am putting how sucky my day was down in my blog and normally by tomorrow morning I would have endless words of encouragement and love from Scottie and then he would send me my early morning IM with "Hi
'Rene...is the day better today?".....and that is not going to happen ever again. Just to hear his voice one more time........even if it was the evil sigh........

Oh, by the way, Jeff....you are my hero...still......