Dear Diary Thursday...

Yesterday ranks as one of the worst days ever. I found out that the largest company that do business with here at work, the company that I am Team Lead over and helped do marketing for, the company that I have given blood, sweat, and tears for for now over a year, is gone. Just like that. Poof. The Mother company over the, the Government, has decided to move everything over to a fully insured company due to the crooked aspects of one man that a " group within a group" managed to get him removed from the dealings and, we had hoped, made out chances of keeping this company for another year stronger. Didn't happen. Needless to say, we will more than likely be having lay-offs on Monday so I got to spend some of my day helping "rank" employees that we need to keep and who we need to let go, if it comes to that. The problem is is that I can't view people as just "numbers"...I know who they are, some are friends, I know their life and their joys and what makes them sad. I know who is pregnant, who has children, who is a single parent, who has struggles. And I get to help determine who has a job after Monday....and that includes myself as well. My boss needs to decide between me and the customer service supervisor who has been out for three months and will be out another three months for knee replacement....and I don't envy her decision at all. All I am hoping for right now is that I get a call telling me I am being offered an opportunity some where else.

So, I cried all the way home from work yesterday, stopped at my folks house and cried for awhile there while explaining things to them, went home and cried to Dylan, and then over medicated myself and fell into a drug induced, tossing and turning sleep....but at least it was sleep.

I plan on doing everything I can to not spend anymore the next week, just in case it does come down that I don't have a job. However, I do have a large reserve of alcohol and plan on drinking a large quantity over the weekend, so don't be surprised if you get a drunk phone call telling you how much I love you......