Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dear Diary Wednesday....

I woke up more exhausted than when I went to bad...I hate that.

After our Weight Watchers weight in (we changed the days we go) and dinner, Dylan was off agai to work last night. He has tonight, and then he is OFF for a few days, and then starts the OT again on Sunday. I managed to get just a couple of things done around the house and then went to bed....but really couldn't sleep very well as I had my cousin on my mind all night. Her husband is going to have to make a decision about her pretty soon and it comes down to two choices. The first choice is that they can put in a feeding tube and she will receive TPN feedings. She will NEVER eat again, as the Chrones disease has made her stomach brittle and food would only cause perforations and eventually kill her. This means she will no longer be able to travel and the most she could do is go to the store. That is is if she is able to travel AT ALL because her intestines and colon are still full of holes, even though some of them seem to be repairing themselves...but not quickly. The second option is for them to "let her go". This will involve her, basically, poisoning to death from her own toxins that are being released into her body from all the holes. My cousin is just beside himself as to what to do and, unfortunately, he is going to have to make this decision is his wife and he knows her best. Everyone has been really good to keep their opinions to themselves but he is struggling. The most I could tell him is whatever he decides to do, will be the best option and she, and the rest of the family, will love them both no matter what they decide. He is going to ask the doctor to bring her completely out of sedation and off the painkillers today to talk with her about these options. All I could think of was "I hope I am never in that position that I have to make the choice of life or death for somebody I know..." but I know I probably will. She is struggling, she is fighting, she has good moments and bad moments....but her life will never be what it was. Now, that is not to say she won't have a good life, but will it be what it was prior to this? Fuck no! Gawd, what an awful position for a loved one to be in.

On a brighter note, I am really looking forward to my time off with Dylan. We are gonna have a "date night" and see a movie and have dinner together and then just enjoy our entire weekend of being together. Hopefully we will have an opportunity to meet up with some friends, but we will see what happens.

Thing to make me smile this morning: Little Evil wanting to sit on my lap after my shower this morning and just be held and kissed and loved...made me feel a bit special that she is FINALLY starting to warm up. And then she followed me around the house all morning.

Thing that did not make me smile this morning: Knowing my stupid sprinklers are not completely fixed AND IT IS MY FAULT! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!


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